Top Ten Signs You’re a Fundamentalist Christian

Don’t think this is one of David Letterman’s top 10 lists:

10 – You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by
other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence
of yours.

9 – You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that
people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the
Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 – You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a
Triune God.

7 – Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities”
attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how
God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and
ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including
women, children, and trees!

6 – You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims
about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that
the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who
got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 – You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in
the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but
you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age
tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few
generations old.

4 – You believe that the entire population of this planet with the
exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in
all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of
Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and

3 – While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have
failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the
floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to
“prove” Christianity.

2 – You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to
answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works.
And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of

1 – You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do
about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but still call
yourself a Christian.